This year has really brought my relationship with trust, faith and surrender under the spotlight. It’s fair to say that my relationship with these three entities has been fraught over the years, sometimes I am in complete flow with them and our relationship is harmonious, and then other times we jarr, we fall out and our relationship breaks down. It will take some work and time time to be back on track again only to find ourselves in the same vicious cycle over and over again. My relationship with faith trust and surrender is exhausting.
I am in absolute awe of writers such as Rebecca Campbell, Gabrielle Bernstein and Lucy Sheridan who in all their books and work demonstrate absolute faith and trust in the universe. Their ability to surrender is truly inspiring. I can only hope that one day I can reach that level of faith, trust and surrender too but for now it remains a work in progress. Sometimes I give it my best shot and trust and faith with feel good, it feels peaceful but then the old fear starts to creep in and catches me unawares. I find myself saying to myself, “this isn’t going to happen”, “I’m not going to achieve this”, and then my fear takes over and starts to spiral out of control. It feels so overwhelming that I start to control things, for example I will find myself thinking “if I just send the email it might help move things along a bit or if I do XY and Z I will get the results sooner rather than later”. It takes awhile before I recognise that it is my own fear that it is at play here. That it is fear behind my lack of faith and trust which makes it near impossible to surrender to the flow of life and to the universe that everything has its time and place.
There are many reasons why our faith and trust in life becomes eroded and we will all have stories to tell and scenarios to reflect upon. What I have learned is that we lose faith and trust in our lives when what we feel in our hearts is continuously denied by ourselves, those around us and our external world. When you find yourself in that space, you are constantly looking for the existence of certainty around us. We find ourselves desperately wanting what we feel and know in our hearts to be validated by our external worlds, but the truth is there is no certainty. The battle begins between heart and head only knowing too well that it will be the logic of the head that wins out in the end and we find that we are unable to surrender and open our hearts up to what we know is true. We have been taught to favour what is sensible and the right thing to do whereas we label what we feeling in our hearts as impossible, not true and unrealistic. It is still something that I struggle with today. Learning to have faith and trust in myself and the world around me is still a work in progress for me and I am working every day to have an unshakeable belief in myself and in my own heart. It is only then that we can open up one step at a time to surrender to all that is good and meant for us in this life time.
We lose faith and trust in our lives when what we feel and know in our hearts is continuously denied by ourselves, those around us and the world around us.
To have faith and trust in yourself and an unshakeable belief in your own heart is a work in progress. It requires one step at a time to open up and allow ourselves to surrender to all that is good and meant for us in this life time.
All my love