🥀Over the past month I have been sharing a weekly affirmation card from either Gabrielle Bernstein or Tosha Silver in The Soul Sanctuary Facebook group. I noticed over the weeks that there was similar wording and colours. I thought it was worth having a look for patterns. I told the group I would write about it once I had worked out the patterns and perhaps meaning. I did write about it but then I also wrote a poem. What I took from the affirmations is that if we find ourselves in a dark place we just need to sit still and have moments of quietness, stillness. You can engage with a meditation practice if you wish but in the stillness the answers will come. I like to focus on my heart in these moments, if the words are soft and gentle I know it’s my true heart and not my ego or head over ruling the heart. I know true wisdom will always shine through.

The Heart Sanctuary

♥️Within the stillness we sit in reflection
The quietness and calmness of contemplation
Not really knowing where we should start
We find the courage to sit with our heart
Embracing all that Is hidden but feel
The swirling green tells us it’s time to heal

♥️Those days that felt like walking through mud
We wondered what it was like to feel good
Those moments we only saw the dark
Searching for hope, that much needed spark
Perhaps it is time to change how we think
Within that moment a flicker of pink

♥️The purple swirls up above
Leave the fear and return to love
Things are not always as they seem
Allow yourself to love your dream
Never worry there is no place to start
To trust and seek the sanctuary within our heart

All my love ♥️

💐In the Summer I made a pact with myself to honour the seasons more. It wasn’t really a case of being one with nature but the inspiration we can take from each season and what we can learn from them. This year where there has been so much uncertainty we know that the seasons will change, we know they are coming and each season will represent something different to us.

Recently I realised I wasn’t really honouring winter very much, I wasn’t really taking much notice of my own words to rest, review and renew. I am too stressed and hyper-anxious. It wasn’t just rest I needed, it was deep rest and to stop fighting for the future, but to let go and surrender. Why is this so hard to do? I don’t know, but I guess it’s something to do with the loss of control. The thing is I wasn’t sure what deep rest looked like for me, a yoga practice perhaps but I felt that there needed to be more. Deep rest is about taking the time to nurture ourselves, eating well, feeling safe, warm and cosy. Maybe creating a safe sanctuary for ourselves. Perhaps it’s having a soak with some Epsom salts or our favourite bubbles, quiet time, reading, moving our bodies, a gentle walk or a good dance to your favourite tunes. It’s the moment we realise we don’t have to rush.

💐what would be in your nurturing kit ♥️

At times I feel I have been living two lives. My life at work that has been distressing, traumatic, fraught with anxiety, fear with poignant moments of human fragility being so clear to see. Then life at home which has been so full of learning and growth with opportunity to just slow down, feel and listen to myself. Just having the time to really think things through. I have had the opportunity to do some awesome on line courses and learning this year including the ones shared here. I have loved all that I have learned.

I am not going to lie, working with covid has beaten me, I have not found it easy at all but it’s also taught me to slow down, not to rush. At times I have felt so confused but it’s also taught me to have the courage to have faith and trust. I have struggled with feelings and emotions at times. Normally known for being a calming influence I have been surprised to find myself in a place of anger. I have been surprised at just how much I have needed to express what I am feeling and experiencing and surprised at just how much support I have needed to work through this past year, I am so grateful to have had that support I don’t know where I would have been without it.

There have been some days that I have struggled being part of this world and it’s brokenness. The year when I witnessed our humanity carved up into a series of hashtags. The elements of my why “so that others feel understood, heard and loved unconditionally” has been a challenge. The problem isn’t that people have different views from me, it isn’t that I don’t see their pain, anger or frustration it’s the disregard for human life that gets me, that makes me angry. We can’t be fighting for human rights whilst at the same time taking the right to be well away from the most vulnerable people in our society. It’s the viewpoints that are putting people at risk when all we are trying to do is care. I recently read a book called The Heartfulness Way, the writers say that our problems in the world our quite simple that there is a lack of love, compassion and tolerance between humans, until we have peace in our hearts there will be no peace around them, there will always be a reason to fight and argue, I do see that.

I have always been grounded I always knew what was important and what wasn’t but working with covid has really grounded that view for me, In fact I need even less of what I thought I did and more of what I have been trying to avoid. Who knew life could be so simple. From the moment I witnessed the death of someone with covid I knew the pandemic was about our humanity and what we needed to survive and thrive whilst we are here on earth. As much as working frontline in the pandemic as been difficult I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else knowing I had the right knowledge and skills. I’m sure it’s impact and all I’ve learned will be with me forever.

Andrea

♥️

High above the winter blue sky

The air so crisp and fresh

Crunching snow sits below

Before me is my breath

The snow begins to fall again

And I open up my hands for you

Until you gently land

Your icy-ness stings my exposed skin

I sense your earth and your water

For you are here to teach me again

The uniqueness and fragility of life

I was sitting in the long grass, under the moonlight and stars, eating some fruits and seeds. I was deep in thought and enjoying the moment when wooooosh, I was swiped up by a cat. He had these huge white paws and quite frankly I didn’t stand much of a chance. In his mouth he carried me to his home, I could just about see. We went through the little door and I heard click click, into the kitchen and through the big door. My heart beating fast I wondered what was going to happen next. The big cat put me on the rug and I decided to play dead. I’m not sure what happened but the big cat became distracted and started to wash his paws. Quick!!! I scurried under the sofa.

I eyeballed the cat still washing his paws, wondering how much time he spends doing that each day. He stops, looks around with a puzzled look on his face. I think he maybe wondering where I’ve gone. He walks over the the TV, colder, colder, over to the cupboard too cold, cold, I snigger but then he turns. He sees me under the sofa and starts pounding towards me, warmer, warmer hot hot hot, “Eeeek”. I scurry out the door and hide behind the fridge, gasping “phew, I just made it.”

Well, it’s been 6 hours and the big cat has been standing guard at the fridge all that time. Talk about patience and persistence. No one can see me, I’m out of the way but the cat knows and the human is on edge and suspicious. She keeps saying, “Eddie what have you done?” Eddie doesn’t answer only looks at her briefly and continues to stare for life and country.

I’ve been here a few days now, it’s nice and cosy. I’ve been exploring around the house. I just have to be careful as there are two big cats and not just one. Since the cat stopped staring the human has been much more relaxed and still doesn’t know I’m here. I’ve been sleeping under her bed but she doesn’t know that yet.

It’s late at night and I hear the human in the office tapping onto her computer. The big cats are out and so perhaps it’s time to do some more exploring. I’m hungry now and could do with some food. I scurry out the bedroom and across the landing. It’s only then I hear the mighty scream, “oh no I’ve been seen, the time has come to leave.”

A poem to start the week off. This one is about being in conflict with yourself. Recognising that you are not in the best place. If we actually stop and pause you will always understand what is going on, you are your own wisest of wise. Where we are upset angry we are closed off to love that surrounds us….

♥️The Heart Keeper

♥️She sits on the fence on the edge of the meadow
Thoughts racing of what to do next
Be brave and stay or
Fall to the shadow and go
Neither seemed to be right or wrong today
It’s in these moments she wishes for a mentor
But no one knows and there has never been an answer
A twisted journey that runs so deep
Confusing snippets that seem to taunt
A healing journey of burrowed thoughts
It’s on these days she wishes it was over

♥️The light of the sun is fading fast
Gentle light appears through the scattered cloud
Turning the hands over she prays to receive
Scattered thoughts returning to peace
A moment to pause and then she appears
The wisest of wise is with her now
Darling why is it that you do not see?
The magic of what is here to be
For you are the one that holds the key
That opens doors and sets them free
The Heart Keeper you are here to be

♥️A light in the darkness quickly appears
She jumps off the fence and heads towards home
She sees as she is and not as it is
Realising now she is part of the problem
A future blighted by negativity and mistrust
Failing to see the magic of love
Perhaps it’s time to bring in the new
Open her heart at let it flow though
She opens her hands and sees the key
It all makes sense it opens hearts
The Heart Keeper she is here to be

All my love

Andrea

Feelings of chaos lurking inside

Thoughts are goading and irritating

I took a short drive to a place of nature

Early morning scenery, I had to stop

A time to pause and have a walk

From the lakeside I gasped in awe & wonder

A feeling of calm washed all over

The healing presence of the Sun in Winter

Shines on the surface of the gentle still water

The silvery tones, a reflection of my soul

Usually a place of bustling movement

Silence and serenity is all around

Even the birds enjoying a moment of wonder

Encouraging a change to my perspective

The grass beneath my feet is wet

Thawing from the seasons first frost

Scattered leaves red and gold

Trees are bare but strong and bold

I imagine their roots running deep into the earth

Holding secrets we would love to hear

Perhaps if I move a little closer they will whisper

I look around and feel warm inside

I see two benches side by side

I imagine them waiting or holding space

Perhaps for the return of the usual bustling nature

I wonder what our futures hold

Maybe that is something only Winter will know

As I imagine the Earths plans rumbling beneath my soles

The sound of the engines break my thoughts

Stillness and Serenity replaced with fraught

I swiftly move on and up through the day

Chores and responsibility cannot be ignored

But every so often I pause and smile

Reflecting upon the magical moments

A Monday walk in Winter wonder

This week I started a Winter writing course. I thought it was a great opportunity to leave my working world behind me whilst I am on leave. It feels good to lose myself in something else.

For the warm up exercise I wrote a poem about Winter. I love all the seasons really I don’t have a favourite but the Winter memories from my childhood are my favourite. The poem encompasses all my memories of Winter time, waltzing through the streets in the evening, counting all the Christmas lights twinkling as we made our way to see my Grandma and other family members. My Grandma had these really unusual Nativity set with Angels that fascinated me, their white coats and sparkling red trim.

I see you winter out the corner of my eye

A cosy cottage, Georgian windows with twinkly lights

Outsider looking in, I can feel the warmth

of the burner

I smile to myself, I know you winter

I walk down the street, cold air on my face

The darkness surrounds me, frost beneath my feet

The bells ring out and the singers sing

Bringing joy to my soul, I hear you winter

With the key in the door I, enter our space

Closing the door I see our cats on the stairs

The darkness and cold has already left

The comfort of home sits with me now

Sounds from the tv, tree lights twinkling, the fire is roaring

Not to mention the delicious smell of cinnamon lingering

Our family will be arriving soon for silliness and laughter,

Oh how I feel you Winter

Every year I plant seeds in the spring for summer flowering. I gain so much joy from watching them grow and when I plant, I plant with intention and imagine each seed being a positive intention for the future. I have a mantra running through my mind….

“Spring we sow, Summer we grow, Autumn we harvest & Winter we rest, review & renew.”

This year was no different and in March I began to sow sunflower and sweet pea seeds. The Sunflower seeds gained momentum quite quickly, they were strong and sturdy from the offset. They looked so healthy and I viewed them as a clear representation that my future intentions were a guaranteed success. Then one day I set out to go to work, the morning was overcast and cool and my mind was on nothing more than the working day head of me. There is very little natural daylight where I work and it was only in the early afternoon that I realised that it had turned into a very hot day. The sun was scorching and deep blue skies overhead. My thoughts immediately turned to the sunflower seedlings at home, they were healthy and strong but they were too young to withstand the heat and I had left them in an area where the Sun would have been beating down on them, I knew they would be burnt by the time I got home.

When I did arrive home late into the evening, the seedlings were as I expected them to be, they were burnt, the leaves crisp and had fallen to the floor. I took them outside in the now cool air, watered them and fed them just to see if I could revive them. I felt a sadness as I couldn’t help feeling that this was a reflection of all that I had had to let go of, those Spring intentions for teaching yoga, coaching and my intention to be more present in the group that I had created was falling apart as the pandemic intensified.

Over a course of the week the seedlings were not showing signs of recovery and were wilting, but two of them were standing tall and despite the crisp leaves seemed strong and their colour hadn’t faded. I re-planted them in a sunny spot and monitored them over the course of a few weeks. Week after week they grew bigger and then the deep green foliage started to appear. I felt excited and wondered if they would flower. Then one day I was outside in the rain checking my plants when I noticed a sunflower bud, then another and another. Each plant had produced about eight sunflower buds. Eventually they flowered and It was a joy to watch the sunflowers open up to their full glory. Watching these big, vibrant and happy flowers open up from where they had been gave me hope for the future. Still viewing these beautiful flowers as my Spring intentions I started to think that perhaps not all was lost in terms of what I wanted to do. I just needed to think about how I did things. I needed to pause and reflect and be open to taking a chance, perhaps a different approach. I really felt that I needed to create a better foundation for what I wanted to do. My key learning here was that if I truly wanted to do something, if I knew deep down in my heart that I wanted to do something, there would always be a way forwards. I just had to trust this journey and recognise that I didn’t have to achieve all this in an instant, that I could afford to slow down and view all this as a life’s time work. I had to recognise that the journey wasn’t going to be linear, that they were going to be twists and turns, that sometimes things will fall apart, but within those falls there will be lessons to be learned. From those lessons we will always grow from them creating stronger foundations and perhaps if are hearts are open enough we will create something far better than what we could ever have imagined.

Key Learnings

If you fall, get back up and don’t give up. Rest review and we knew. There will always be a way forwards. Failing is an opportunity to learn the lessons and grow from them, potentially creating something far greater than we ever could have imagined.

With a fall comes the courage to get up and try again Stronger than we would have a had thought possible.

All my love

Andrea

When I decided that the foundation for everything that I was going to do from now on would be writing I wanted to become clear about all that inspired me. I had an old pin board that was sat doing nothing so I decided to be creative and make an inspiration board with my personal why sat in the centre.

My personal way is to

“trust in the connection with your true self so that others feel understood, seen, heard and loved unconditionally.”

For me, trusting in the connection with yourself means that you understand everything about yourself, your hurts, your reactions, how you interact with others, your fears, your worries and anxieties. It’s about knowing what brings you joy, what your dreams are, that you honour yourself and all that you are and that you are able to live a life that is true to your authentic self. Have you ever giving yourself the space and time to allow yourself to get to know you properly, to truly understand and connect to yourself and if not, do you truly understand why? For example what is behind the “I haven’t got the time” thought.

It was through embarking on a personal development journey that I truly started to understand myself. For a long time I had felt that there was more to me than what I was allowing to happen. In some ways I felt trapped and caged and I needed to understand why I felt that way. It was through books, courses and interactions with others that I started to learn more about myself, what inspired me, what hurt me and what brought me joy. I started to write again, something which I had left behind in my teenage years but was something that very much an integral part of me. It was almost like I was starting to remember me again. Up until this point I had always been very academic and even though I enjoyed the academia, there was something that was missing. I had a yearning to be creative that I was ignoring and it was making me unhappy. I had put myself in a square box and was stifling myself. So I gave in, stopped doing what I thought I should be doing and let myself be creative. I started to explore jewellery making, for a while I enjoyed this, going to craft fairs. I set up Facebook pages and blogged about it. I realised how much I loved learning about and working with colour. The pieces I made were always full of flowers and in my mind represented my garden and the seasons. I loved the process of constructing a bracelet over a number of days and and photographing them. I know longer do this now or if I do it’s not very often but what is important is knowing what I learned along the way didn’t get left behind. It’s no mistake that the Facebook pages/groups or Instagram accounts I have are full of flowers, colour, nature and beautiful words that connect together. It was never about changing who I was it was more about bringing what was hidden and buried inside of myself to the fore. I was allowing myself to hear and see myself which led to the process of loving myself more and doing so unconditionally too.

The thing is, is that at times I felt that focusing on myself and what I wanted to do was incredibly self-centred, but actually what resulted from that was that as I started to understand myself better I started to understand those around me more too. I saw their hurts, their frustrations and worries and this made me a more compassionate and patient human being. I started to learn from others and our humanness became my inspiration, as did the world around me and all that is in it. I have learnt so much from all seasons, gardening, moon cycles, being part of groups and yoga. I’ve learnt about what living from the heart looks like, I have learnt about what living from the head looks like and I see a better world when I have my head and heart working in unison. I’ve learnt from travelling and from all those that I’ve met along the way. Inspiration is all around us we just have to be open to it.

All my love

Andrea