In 2019 I made one of the biggest decisions to take a step back in my nursing career, take a leap of faith to focus more on teaching yoga, developing a coaching business and generally doing more and more of what my heart wanted to do. I was excited, full of enthusiasm for the possibilities and potential I saw. It was probably one of the first times in my life I have made such a decision from the heart. I had let my heart rule my head and it felt liberating even though my fears and the fears of others were crowding me. I just knew in my heart I needed to do this, I needed to do this for me and my own heart.
Nineteen months on there has been very little yoga teaching, very little coaching, hardly any social media posts or interaction in the groups I run. I am very aware of my absence in this work that I wanted to do this year. I am sure just like what everybody else is experiencing 2020 is not the one that I had planned. Working in the pandemic has been tough, tougher than I ever envisaged. I have been grateful for all that I have learned and also for being able to use my knowledge and skill to help others during this time, even though there has been little time or energy for anything else other than resting, focusing on keeping myself well and staying in contact with my family.
At times I found not been able to focus on the work that I wanted to be involved in this year quite difficult. It took me quite a while to work out and accept that there was awhile to work no way I could do both. It just felt too much to cope with. I was confused and bewildered how in the previous year I had made this life changing decision with a specific intention but it hadn’t worked. I remember saying to a friend that, ” I just wish I could press the reset button and start again.”, To me it seemed the only real solution, but I also felt scared of letting go of all my ideas, plans, goals and all that I had dreamt of. There was a real argument between my heart and head. My head filling me with fear about failure and judgment and my heart telling me it was the right thing to do. I knew my heart was right, there was a better way to do this, there were things I hadn’t considered that I needed to consider and reintegrate into my work. There was so much I had learnt that I hadn’t spent time fully integrating into my work. Whatever I wanted to do I needed to create from a stronger foundation, a new way forwards, I just needed to give myself the permission to press the reset button, let go and let everything fall away.
What I have learned from this is that pressing the reset button is not a sign of failure, it’s an opportunity to re-think, reinvent & reintegrate all we have learned and the space to learn some more. I think that knowing this provides you with the confidence to move forwards.
All my love