Earlier in the year I promised myself that whatever was coming towards me I was going to allow myself to have some time off. I recognised that it was very much needed on all the human levels, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Work wise it had been a tough year and I was exhausted, permanently had brain fog, wasn’t engaging in what I loved and even on the few occasions I did, it wasn’t lifting me up, I just felt flat all the time.
With the thought of some time off my thoughts quickly turned to what I should do with my time. I started to pull my lonely planets out, had my passport renewed, I could go and do some travelling. My mind was racing with thinking of what new lonely planet book I could buy, I am such a tourist geek I get excited by their itinerary suggestions and follow them to the “T”. Where have I not been? Canada, New York or perhaps I should go back to Australia, I have always wanted to go back to Sydney, travel the bits I haven’t done so Tasmania and the West Coast, Perth to Broome. I had to think about booking my cats into the Cattery. I was totally in my travel element and so ready to get the ball rolling when I heard myself say “STOP! Stop right now and think about you are doing.” Travelling is amazing I love it, I have always said it has been one of the best educations I have ever had. I love being away, love exploring, love taking pictures, the museums, the beaches, the cultures….I love the adventure but was this what I needed? No not really. I thought about where I had been the past few months, I hadn’t slept, I think I had lived on cereal and toast and sandwiches, I hadn’t exercised much apart from yoga, my hips and lower back were tight from the 17, 000 miles I had clocked in the car and there was no denying I was exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I had hardly spent any time with my family what I needed more that anything was home and the time and space to heal.
Recognising what I needed and what was best for me at this moment in time has had to have been one of my biggest personal growth moments. If I am being truthful with myself I rarely stop and seem to move from one project to another without giving myself much thought in the process or my time. As a result I have found my needs have come way down on my own priority list. So the past the past 5 weeks have been spent in quiet contemplation, making good nutritious home cooked food, catching up with friends, practicing yoga, reading, spending time with my family, being in the garden and spending time with my two cats. I have made sure I have engaged in activities that have been healing and put my well-being first. I am sure looking from the outside in I am currently resembling some sort of recluse but it was needed. I had to give myself that time and space. I had to return to myself.
There have been times over the past few weeks that I have felt guilty over how I have been spending my time, I could have done so much more with it but that’s the problem isn’t it? We put so much expectation and pressure on ourselves about what we should be doing and not doing what is right for our own health and well-being, everyone and everything else comes first. I honestly don’t know where I would have been if I hadn’t taken this time for myself, I dread to think. Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish sometimes it is necessary for your own survival.
All my love