Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt that something is not quite right with your world. The moment you open your eyes you can feel that something is not quite right but at that particular moment you do not know what it is. You get yourself up and make your way downstairs to make a drink, you boil the kettle, get a cup and put the tea bag in it. The kettle boils, you poor the water into the cup, stir the tea bag, remove it and then go into the fridge to get the milk and then you remember that you were meant to buy some yesterday because you had run out. At that point you think maybe that is why I do not feel right, so you shrug it off and have some boiled water instead (in my case I would). You continue with the day ahead as planned but you cannot help feeling that something is not quite right but you ignore it anyway it cannot be that important can it? Then something happens and you find yourself in a situation where an hour ago you would never have imagined that that would happen.
Today I found myself “kicking off” in Boots because I felt I was receiving a poor service. As I usually am in a crisis I did not shout (not that I would call this a crisis, but you know what I mean) or scream, I remained calm and dignified. I have a knack of letting people know I am annoyed but try to remain pleasant with it, I would not describe myself as the “smiling assassin” but will admit to having a certain tone and a facial expression that matches it. At the end I decided I was not going to spend my money there and took myself off to somewhere that had a better service and deserved my hard earned money.
As I made my way home and thought about what had happened, I realised that there was a need to look beyond the surface and look for another reason as to why I was so annoyed, because on reflection of what happened in the shop it was no big deal I just wasn’t getting what I wanted. The moment I heard the words in my head it became clear that what had really happened in the shop was about a mirror image of what is happening in my own life at the moment. For a while I have been working on a project that has not been coming together, the doors do not seem to open with it and remain firmly closed despite all my efforts and attention. I have known for a while that I have needed to let go of it but have been holding out and hoping that things would turnaround. I had gone to bed last night thinking of other ways to get things moving but nothing seemed right and rather than it having a positive affect on me I have to admit it has been getting me down and as you know nothing is worth that. I think that the cloud hanging over my head this morning was about my heart accepting that it is not working but in my head I wanted to keep going, it was about letting go of what is not working and making room for something else more appropriate or maybe something that is right for now. Letting go of something you thought you wanted is always quite sad, but life has a funny way of turning out okay as we let go of what we have been holding onto it all resolves and either fades away as a distant memory or will return one day when the time is right. If it does not return then it was not meant to be, you will look for the positives and what you have learned from the experience and there is always the thought that something better will come along to enable you to continue that life journey in the best way that was meant for you.
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” Ann Landers